As an adult you find yourself in seemingly endless burnout cycles. And now you find yourself asking: Do I have ADHD? What exactly is going on here?

So what is adult ADHD?

ADHD shows up differently in adults versus kids, and differently in women and AFAB folks versus men and AMAB folks. Maybe you associate ADHD with never being able to sit still, being distracted by anything and everything, and being wildly unprofessional.

But that’s not you. You’ve always sat still in class growing up and in your workplace as an adult. It’s sometimes felt like it’s slowly killing you on the inside, but you do it. Doesn’t everyone just feel kind of on edge and antsy when they have to sit still? (Spoiler alert: not everyone does)

You also are not easily distracted. Because you force yourself to sit at an uncluttered desk (which obviously didn’t take an hour to get to an uncluttered, workable state before you were actually able to sit down and work), you have 3 emotional support beverages at all times (one for hydration, one for the joy of caffeine, and one that has bubbles or flavor or a delightfully nifty mug to sip it from), and if you do somehow get distracted from what you’re working on (clearly irrelevant if it’s super boring and you’d low-key rather shut your hand in a door than do the thing) there’s a part of you that immediately starts saying “Why can’t you just get this done? You never finish anything. You’re so bad at adulting. What’s wrong with you?”

You also are so professional. You’ve cross-referenced what exactly “business casual” means 13 times to make sure what you’re wearing is just the right amount of casual while also being business-like and professional. Your hair is so clean every day (thanks to dry shampoo for the 4th day in a row, you’ll definitely find time to wash your hair tomorrow, rushing out the door to be exactly on time and not late today was definitely a fluke that’s somehow happened the last 10 to 10 thousand days in a row). Your shoes are so girlboss (and your face never betrays your internal screaming at how uncomfortable and boring they are, nor how acutely you wish it was acceptable to wear slippers or maybe your tennis shoes that are so colorful and fun to work). You are always on time! Because if you were late, you’d actually die of shame and embarrassment and definitely get fired and lose your home and… Well, not important. Because you are always on time.

You are so organized! Except if you didn’t have your planner or your phone calendar you’d honestly have no idea where and when you’re supposed to be. And that time you simply forgot to pay that bill because the moment you put it down on your counter, it actually ceased to exist. Or that time you were so in the zone about that thing you actually feel interested in that dinner got burned on the stove or you didn’t realize you were hungry in the first place. And of course deciding what to eat is an easy thing because you eat the same thing 6-7 days a week until you suddenly, inexplicably hate it and can’t decide what to eat but the longer it takes to decide the hungrier you get and the harder it is to decide so then you end up DoorDashing again and quietly hating yourself when you pay your credit card bill 2 weeks later.

This is fine. Everything is fine. But maybe it is ADHD?

If you felt called out by this, let’s talk. It doesn’t have to feel like hot mess chaos forever. There are actually ways to function differently and to maybe even start to like yourself in the process.