What is trauma? The answers can feel overwhelming. Social media will tell you it’s anything and everything from parents who yelled too much growing up to living in capitalism. Big T trauma, small t trauma. Is everything trauma now?

First, take a breath or press your hands together if it feels right for you. Invite yourself to be in this moment, just for the moment.

Trauma can range across a large number of events, but more important than the event itself is the impact it had or continues to have. Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity and resources, anything that is too much for too long, and importantly, continues to cause us distress even after it ends.

Because each of our capacity and resources are different, the same events may be traumatic to one person but not another.

The DSM will tell you that trauma fits only a narrow range of events, like assault or natural disaster. And while these types of events (“big T traumas”) can be traumatic, there are many other events that can also be traumatic, especially when they happen again and again over time (“small t traumas”).

The impact that trauma has on us also lingers after the event or events themselves have ended. Maybe it’s a persistent feeling that you’re not good enough, or you should have done more, or that other people just can’t be trusted at a baseline. Maybe it’s this feeling of being on edge or having to look over your shoulder all the time. Maybe it’s an image or sound that you can’t get out of your mind, or sudden emotions that feel out of sync with what’s actually happening around you. Maybe it’s a panicky feeling any time someone might be even close to being mad (or flat out fear if they’re mad at you). Maybe it’s this weird thing that keeps playing out in your relationships or at work even though it doesn’t make sense for it to keep happening in different contexts and with different people. Maybe it’s a feeling that if you don’t keep yourself busy all the time, everything is going to fall apart.

Trauma doesn’t have to define us. Our stories can change with the bravery to really look at them, feel through them, and edit the narrative moving forward.